Past Makes You Stronger
by Sephyre Vigdis
Summary: Everyone says what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? What if it everything that happens doesnt effect you the way you think it did? And you bottled it all up until one day the lid pops? This is what leads to my pop, and what happens after.
1. Prologue

Prologue (?)

There's people in your past that you really wish weren't in your past, but sadly they are. All you can do is say they're gone now and that's all that matters. There are people in your past that you wish were still around, and it hurts to think about them, even years later it hurts just as bad as it did when they left. There are people that were in your past, are in your present and you hope will be in your future no matter how many tumbles, fumbles and scuffles you've had.

There are things you've done in your past that you can't believe you did and really wish you hadn't. All you can do is say it's over. There are things you've done in your past that you wish was still happening. There are things that you are doing right now that you hope will last the rest of your life but there are also things you hope will change in the near future.

This is life. No matter how you may deny it that's how it is. All you can say is 'What next?'


	2. Elijah

**Obviously i edited it. The age and events are real. The only things i changed are the Names. Thank you for hanging in there. Chrys Tall**

"Is that..?" I asked looking at my step-brother Blake, who was holding a tiny bundle in his arms. It was an odd sight seeing my second oldest brother in his loose, baggy shorts, long white tee and his Brand name shoes holding such a fragile creature.

"Yeah." He said walking closer till he was close enough for me to look closely at the face of my first nephew.

"He's beautiful." I said. To me, he was the most beautiful precious baby I had ever seen.

"His names Elijah. Do you want to hold him?" he asked which was odd; Blake and I had never been close. He and I had never talked, I always got the feeling he disliked me a lot.

"I don't want to drop him." I said taking a step back.

"Sit down; I'll help you hold him." He said smiling like the father that he was. I had always thought that Summer would be a father first. He was older and he seemed more likely to have a child. Not 21 year old Blake.

I started to the couch only to be stopped by a high-pitched voice.

"HI!" Tiffany said loudly. Blake's new wife, how could I forget? I had not only a nephew but also a new sister-in-law. I smiled, excited.

"Hi, Tiffany right? I'm Leah. Blake's younger sister." I said smiling kindly; she gave me a hug, smiling as well.

"Younger sister huh? You look nothing alike." She said

"Yeah, I'm his step-sister." I said, rocking back onto my heels.

"Oh, that's right, I'm sorry." she asked, I looked over at Blake. He was sitting on the couch, watching me with an odd look in his eyes.

"It's alright; mom and dad are going to be home soon, are you going to stay?" I asked, looking up at her.

"Of course we are, Leah." Blake said. "Now come over here, or do you not want to hold him anymore?"

I hurriedly walked over to Blake and sat down next to him. He set Elijah in my arms and I thought life couldn't be sweeter.

"I love you, Elijah." I said to him.

In May, Blake brought Elijah over to my parents house to see Elijah on my mom's birthday, we we're babysitting him again until Blake got off from work.

"Leah, Elijah's crying go pick him up; I bet he just wants to see what we're doing." I walked over to him and picked him up, all expert like, only to have him lean a little too far back and he started crying harder.

"Oh God! I'm so sorry, Elijah!" I said rubbing his back. I bounced softly over to my mom, by the time I got over to her he had quieted down. Blake walked in about that time, and picked up Elijah.

The next morning my mom tore me out of bed telling me to hurry up and get dressed. I got dressed sleepily.

"Mom, what's wrong?" I asked stumbling out of my room.

"Something's wrong with Elijah." She said and I froze. She grabbed my arm and hauled me into the car. The closer we got to the hospital the lower my stomach dropped. Something was terribly wrong. I tried not to assume the worst. I hadn't known that the most terrifying event of my 11 year-old life was about to occur and change my life. For better or for worse I'm still figuring it out.

When I walked into the waiting room at Sarasota Memorial, I didn't understand what was going on. Sarah, Blake's mother, stood up suddenly and walked over to my step-dad and hugged him so tightly I thought she would strangle him.

"He's gone." She sobbed.

"What did you just say?" I asked, my voice shook. She turned her head and her face was tear streaked, I hadn't noticed before.

"Elijah died." She said brokenly. My world shattered.


	3. Elijah Part 2

**This next part was hard for me to write. But i'm sorry if this is confusing but this is the best way i can describe it using my jumbled up memories from this haunting event. Note: In case you haven't gathered. I was only 11, which means my yougest brother, is 5; my Oldest brother, 'Summer', is 21 and my second oldest brother, 'Blake' is 19.**

Oh god. God no, please no. Not Elijah. No. No. He's just a baby. Not my precious nephew. These words whirled around my head as I stumbled out of the room and barreled down the hall. I had no idea what room but the lack of knowledge didn't stop me from looking all over the floor. As I ran I heard from the waiting room my mom yelling at me to come back. That I shouldn't see it. See what?

When I found the room and stood in the door way I found out exactly what she had been trying to protect me from.

Elijah's mom is African America and his father has some Indian in him. So Elijah was tan, he wouldn't ever have the worry of being pale.

I stood in the doorway, gasping for air at the sight I had stumbled on.

Elijah was lying in a bed in his diaper, pale as snow, his chest wasn't moving. Blake was sitting in a chair, one hand squeezing Elijah's tiny, pale, limp hand. His other hand was covering his face as he cried. His sobs echoed in my head. No thoughts went through my head. Only a broken plea for Elijah to wake up. No emotions went through my body. Only despair. I had never thought that this simple, yet giant moment could haunt both my waking and sleeping hours for the rest of my life. But it has haunted me to the age I am now, 17 years old.

I vaguely remember my mom herding me out of the hospital to a bench. I vaguely remember my brother, Summer showing up. I vaguely remember him hugging my and crying. I vaguely remember Tiffany showing up in a large t-shirt, calm as can be. I hated her for being so calm after finding out her son was dead at 4 months old. I hadn't known at the time that she was in too much shock to function correctly. I also remember vaguely Blake walking out and, without breaking stride, hugged me so tightly I thought he would break me in half. He then hugged Riley, my little brother of 5 years of age, and began crying so hard I thought Riley had said something. I know realize that it was because he knew Elijah would never hug him; the Elijah would never get to finish growing. All of these vaguely remember occurrences I remember in short snippets, like in a movie, when the hero or heroine is 'dying' and their life flashes in little random image.

The next week I barely remember, even now, as I try and sift through this era in my childhood. The random bits I do remember lead me to the conclusion that I wasn't allowed to go to his funeral. I was sent to stay with my god-mother, a woman that had known me from the tiny age of about 2 or 3 and who I still consider as my aunt. I stayed with her for a few days. I remember her trying to get me to not dwell on his death but it's not an easy thing for an 11-year old child to lose her first nephew. It is also not an easy thing to forget such a scarring moment.

My best friend's birthday was two days after Elijah died. He never found out what happened.

**Review?**


	4. IN NEED OF BETA

In need of a Beta for a new story I'm typing up called Lovely Nightmare. PM me if you're interested!

Chrys Tall


	5. Elijah Part 3

A month or two after Elijah died, Blake and Tiffany left. I still don't remember where but they left. They came back two months later. I remember sleeping in my room and someone slipping their arms around me. It terrified me. I wasn't used to physical contact with anyone. It jerked me awake and there laid Tiffany smiling at me. She and my mom pulled me out of bed and led me to where Blake was. I only remember stumbling into the wrong room. After that nothing.

It turns out that they had come back. To stay. Tiffany was pregnant. Again. I remember the next few months in fast forward and everything is blurry or too confusing to understand. Elijah had not been gone 6 months before everyone seemed to have forgotten all about him.

When January came around again, Tiffany gave birth to a little girl that looked almost exactly like Elijah, same stunning tan skin and huge navy eyes surrounded by long black lashes. Tiffany named her Olivia but three days later wrote Arianna on her birth certificate.

I remember arguing with my mother in whether or not I was going to go with her and dad and Riley to go meet Arianna. I didn't want to, I felt like it would be a slap in the face of Elijah. I felt like I was the only person who still clung to his memory. I cried a lot for him still. And couldn't bare to see another baby being loved and adored without him in thought. She wound up dragging me there saying I was going to meet Arianna one way or another. She didn't understand. To this day, she still doesn't. When we walked into the room I heard her crying and it broke my heart to hear it. What could she possibly have to cry about? That she was hungry? Tired? The sound made me angry, and then I saw her. The anger melted away to awe and adoration.

She looked exactly like him even to the pudgy hands. My mother brought her closer asking if I wanted to hold her. I grew worried. I didn't want to kill her too. After all if it hadn't been for me, Elijah might still be alive to meet her too. I didn't know at the time that SIDS is what killed him and that there are no symptoms to it. It was no ones fault.

I remember running to the otherside of the room and asking to leave, my mother took me down to the garden outside the Hospital and I remember snatching her phone and calling my best friend at the time. We had recently had a falling out and hadn't spoken in months. I called her and I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

"Hello?" She answered

And I started crying harder, only letting out a few sobs. She knew who it was immediately.

"Leah? Whats wrong!" She asked worriedly

"I can't do it, I can't hold her. I can't do it, I don't want to kill her too!" I sobbed into the phone. My mother tried to hug me but I ripped away and glared at her. I'd told her I wasn't ready and she forced me to come anyway.

"Who, Leah?" Hope asked softly.

"Arianna, Tiffany's new baby." I sobbed.

"Oh Leah, you won't hurt her, you don't have to hold her. Just talk to her and look at her. It's okay to be weary. You didn't kill Elijah, you need to understand that, Leah." She said, softly.

We made plans to hangout that weekend and we did. But it took me almost a year to be able to hold Arianna. To this day, I think about Elijah. He is never forgotten and never far from my mind or heart. He forever looks over my shoulder.


End file.
